"I have a dream..."

It all began over 6 years ago. When Brennan and I were married; I started “craving” children literally 2 months after we were married. Brennan basically said I was crazy and we had only been married 2 months, don’t think so. Then at about 9 months we decided we would “start trying.” We never imagined the years it would take to finally get pregnant. All my life I had been healthy and there is no infertility in my family that I know of, so I never imagined having a child was going to be a struggle for me. It just goes to show that you never know what challenges and opportunities God has planned for you! Over the years I had seen various doctors and been discouraged by it all! For a few years I just gave up going to Doctors all together. Then a miraculous thing happened right on or around November 1, 2006. I had the amazing opportunity of working with the best boss/friend/mentor and one of the best human beings on the planet, Carey. Carey helped several of us at work openly state our dreams, and taught us to never give up on those dreams. It was a spiritual, enlightening, hard road, but I finally decided that we should do more in our quest of having a child. My blessed father, Wes, came quickly to our aid, by offering not only emotional but financial support in this endeavor. We met with our fertility doctor in Nov. ‘06. We did one round of artificial insemination around Mar. ’07 and after it didn’t work we decided we were heading straight for In-Vitro. Now, keep in mind that IVF was not what I had in mind years before. I was even quite opposed to taking that step on/around about year 3 of trying to get pregnant. But once I realized my dream again of wanting to become a mother, I wanted to do whatever I could do, and I realized that IVF was the next step for us. We started our first IVF cycle at the end of July ’07. All went well in the cycle, we had a beautiful picture of our two little embryos that had been “cultured” and we were excited. The day I knew that I wasn’t pregnant (about 5 days before the pregnancy test), I was devastated. I just remember lying the bath crying. I knew that I wasn’t pregnant because I had been spotting. We had such supportive family and friends, it’s really helped me through. The second attempt at IVF (around the middle of October) was a frozen cycle and those didn’t implant either. Then around the middle of Dec. ’07 we did yet another fresh IVF cycle (fresh just means that they go in and harvest the eggs and then put them with the sperm and they fertilize. A frozen cycle is when they have leftover embryos from a “fresh cycle” and they freeze them for later use). Okay, so it was around the middle of January that we found out that our 3rd attempt at IVF had not produced pregnancy!!!! I think at that point, I just thought “I can never get pregnant, this is unheard of, IVF can not work for me.” Luckily we were on a “shared risk program” where we had multiple attempts at IVF. So we started our 4th cycle around the first of Mar. ’08. After they transferred the embryos on April 3, I started noticing little things that felt different about my body. Of course at the time, I didn’t want to psyche myself out, so I think I just told myself “oh, you felt this way with the other tries.” But the thing I noticed most was my abdomen was really tight! I don’t know if it just a coincidence, but it felt like I had done 5000 sit-ups and couldn’t stretch my stomach all the way out. Well, once they put the embryos in on 4/3/08, we still had 2 weeks to wait to find out the results. Every day for me was a different emotion. Some days I was happy and other days I thought, “this just isn’t going to work.” Brennan and I even had a sad moment when I said to him “I just know this time didn’t work,” and he said back to me “I know too.” Well, the morning of the pregnancy test, 04/17/08, I woke up with the resounding thought in my mind “there is always hope, there is always hope,” playing over and over again in my head. I took a urine test before I went to the Doctor for the blood test because I was so anxious. It was positive!!! I still couldn’t be sure until the Doctor told me though. That day was so great. I had the Doctor call Brennan with the blood results and he told me the news when I got home from work (I told him to wait until I got home so I wouldn’t be a mess at work if it was negative or too distracted if I knew it was positive.) I know, I know, I am crazy!!! People ask me how did you wait to find out? How did he wait to tell you? I don’t know. I just tried not to think about it, and work was really busy, so the day went by fast and I flew home and wa la there was Brennan with the results. I couldn’t be happier. We spent 3 hours that night calling all the family, and they were so super ecstatic. We were excited too, but we both kind of had a guarded excitement wondering: what will the next two weeks bring and the next and the next? Here we are past the next two weeks (pray for me people), and we made it to the ultrasound. We had our ultrasound today and they saw one healthy baby with a good heart-beat. We could see and hear the heartbeat…I didn’t know you could see and hear this sooo early on, it boggles my mind. I think our child is only the size of a grain of rice and yet it has a beating heart! Miracle of all miracles. We feel so good today, but of course each week is going to be a milestone for us, so we can make it past that dreaded “miscarriage” stage. We know whatever will be will be and that God is the master Gardner, so he has the plan. But don’t you think it’s amazing that I can get pregnant??? If anything, I will cherish these moments where I know that something beautiful is growing inside me, that we created a human being, that we created life. Nothing testifies more assuredly to me than this that there is a God in Heaven and we are His children, he is our creator, and we are creators ourselves! I love my Heavenly Father for this amazing opportunity he has given me to conceive and carry a child. I hope he will allow this, my ultimate dream, to come true!


This is a picture of the first ultrasound. The black oval area is the sac that the baby is in. The white little fleck near the middle left is the actual fetus. Wow!